I WISH I WAS A COKE DEALER

I swear being a coke rapper is the easiest job in the world...minus the actual selling of cocaine. Are you guys aware of how many words there are for cocaine/crack?

bricks, weight, bird, snow, blow, lines, powder, yayo, cake, chicken, white girl, i got that justin beiber please believe it, that hard, that soft, dust, etc. etc.

AND HUNDREDS MORE.

Do you know how many similes and metaphors I could pull off with that kind of vocabulary??

Im gettin stupid money off that white bimbo

My hands touch so much, the feds trynna bring back Jim Crow

I JUST CAME UP WITH THAT RIGHT NOW.
This shit is too easy.
I wish I was a cocaine rapper fam I got too many bars for this shit:

u need them cakes i got a bakers dozen

move so many bricks u think i was in construction

call me rachel ray im always in the kitcen

move that work all year its lookin like a white christmas

call me ace of cakes i get them cakes faster

i whip that work, like a slave master

call me mr. plow the way i move that snow 

i got that pornstar mouth, you know i got that bloow

im in that traphouse with 25 to lifers

my arm over that stove my wrist got arthritis

I got that snow white, talkin cinderalla

I seen so much white like I was at coachella

I got that shit flyin across the atlantic

touched so much powder you think i was in gymnastics

(bars are best read in Cam'ron's/Pusha T's/2 Chainz' voice)

I could do this all day...

All praise to the prolific and Shakespearean rhymes of the ultimate coke rap duo though. They have probably realized the full potential of their medium.

"Open the frigidaire 25 to life in here

So much white you might think your holy christ is near"

The once and future king

Remember that time you did something cool? Remember that one, or maybe two times?
They were flukes, we all know it, but in that moment you were a badass.
Even if only for a moment.

Remember those moments, and get every last drop out of them.

Maybe it was that time in grade 4 when a bully tried to fake you out, pretending to throw a ball at you and you didn't even flinch, all in front of the girl you had a crush on. Maybe it was the time that somebody dissed you and you just happened, for once god damn it, to come back with the appropriate witty reply. Or maybe it was that time you were forgot to shave for a while and some black dudes said you were rocking the RICK RO$$, and you felt good to get such exclusive approval.


REMEMBER all that, because it can be good for your self esteem. You can summon those memories like they were some sort of spell of enchantment on your ego.

I was with a girl on the subway once,  and some strange lady handed me a pamphlet as we were getting off onto the platform. I looked over it, saw that it was some sort of propaganda, and tossed it. The pamphlet flew through the air spinning, curving left towards the garbage can... the subway doors started to close... then the pamphlet curved right, flying right back into the subway brief moments before the doors shut, sliding to a stop on the floor. Okay maybe that's not that cool but...

I also remember this one time in highschool I was playing basketball in gym class. I was one of the worst players on my team aside from the kid who was rumored but never confirmed to be mentally disabled. There was this one Filipino dude on the other team, known for his impressive dribbling skills. He had possession of the ball at the time and was driving down the court. Just before half court I somehow stole the ball off him, and took a jumpshot. I heard my teammates passively disapprove, thinking I just wasted our possession...

 

 BUT THEN I SWISHED THAT SHIT YA BISH!

 

 

Everybody stormed the court, and I was a badass just for a moment...

 

then minutes later the clock struck twelve and I turned back into a pumpkin, resuming my life as an unremarkable loser

 So whenever you get down on yourself, remember that you were once the king of a moment, and you'll be king of another moment someday. It's probably true that if there was a film about your life it wouldn't be worth watching, but you could make a trailer with the best moments and still trick people into buying tickets.

Older Posts Postin' on the Block

Tell me what do you see.

Think about it.

(Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, snap.)

You see a "Home" link. And to the left...?

OLDER POSTS, BABY. We got posts for days. We have content. We have actual content, gawddammit!

Our baby has grown out of our perpetual laziness. This is actually happening. We're not only talking about stuff and how cool it is, we're actually writing about it. 

I'm so amped at how this is slowly turning out. Our baby is starting to walk now; none of the crawling nonsense. And yeah, it's still early but dammit, I can't help it if I'm a little proud of us so far and I think Sharkface and Alter Negro would agree.

Yeah, this is becoming a total circlejerk. I'd better stop myself before I dislocate my shoulder patting myself on the back.

Dopps, out.

RODMG - Respect on Deck Money Group (A Semi-Serious Defense of Mr. Way)

Those aren't tears. HIS TEAR DUCTS JUST FORGOT TO TURN ITS SWAG OFF. Next time, when you go to an awards ceremony, keep your swag, and phone, on vibrate.

DeAndre Cortez Way is, by any metric, quite successful. He is, for the most part, not loved. Being called the "Worst Artist in American Music History" is the most flattering insult that can bestowed on an artist. If you're unknown and wack, well, there's a reason you're unknown. But, if you've been successful enough that there's a legion of people who, rightly or wrongly, dislike your music/style/you enough that they'll declare you the WORST in the history of EVER? Worse than this? How about this? Or maybe this?

Quick aside/rant: HOLY MOTHER OF HUMANS. LAFFY TAFFY WENT #1 IN THE STATES. HOW?!?! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?! I know, I know. One-hit wonders are sprinkled all over the charts throughout history. Still, this song is definitely in my Top 5 most unlikely chart-toppers. Ever.

Look at this resume.

Grammy-nominated. Okay, so maybe this is a group/organization/cult/circle-jerk that nominated "Low" and "Candy Shop". The same group that thought"Lollipop" and "Money Maker" should win one. The same group that let Ludacris win one for Release Therapy...while KING, FOOD & LIQUOR, AND GAME THEORY WERE IN THE SAME CATEGORY. (Why am I even bringing this up? This is not helping...). 

Despite all of this, of all the dance crazes of the double-zeros (see: 00s), this one resonated with the world. Shoulder Lean, Leanin' Wit It, Stanky Leg, Chicken Noodle Soup; none were shown Grammy love. This was a HUGE song. The Grammys tend to show love to songs that were either a) good, b) inescapable, or c) commercially successful. Crank Dat was undoubtedly the last two. With lyrics like this, some (read: me) might argue it was all three:

You catch me at your local party
Yes I crank it everyday
Haters getting mad cause
"I got me some bathing apes"

PLATINUM...because of one song. Look, Teach Me How to Dougie was big. The Kickback didn't go platinum. Snap Yo Fingers was big AND it was a Lil Jon track...that album flopped. You're a Jerk was big...New Boyz, not so much. They got stuck doing songs with Brandy's brother. Crank Dat went #1. Souljaboytellem.com was in the Top 5. People wrote him off as a one-hit wonder...THEN HE CAME BACK WITH THIS SONG. AND THEN CAME THIS BANGER. And then finally, he dropped this gem of a track. (sidebar: The video for Pretty Boy Swag also blessed us with this gem of a .gif):

                                         

How many people in the world can make Pretty Boy Swag hot? Can you count them on two hands? One? None?

In addition...

• NEVER SOLD OUT. We knew what he was about since DAY 1. Consistency is key.
• "Turn My Swag On" has entered the lexicon of hip-hop and music fans worldwide (i.e. me)
• hop up out my beeeeeeddddd, turn my swag on...
• also included: YAAAAA TRICK YAAAAA,
• succeeded where Chris Rock couldn't
• the biggest dance crazes of this millennium are, in some order: Crank Dat, Snap Yo Fingers, the Dougie, Single Ladies, Gangnam Style, Party Rock/Shufflin'
• groundbreaking with respect to digital sales and ringtones; provided new and viable streams of revenue for fledgling artists
• a mainstay on BET; almost guaranteed to have at least one video in rotation every time "BET Now" rolls around
• has started/engaged in beefs of various sizes with Nas, Ice-T, Charles Hamilton, the UNITED STATES MILITARY, Fabolous, and Hopsin
• helped bring the word "swag" to the mainstream

Want to hate the game? Go right ahead - just don't hate on the player.

(Well...you can hate the Game...)

Soulja Boy has been around for over 5 years now and, to the surprise of many, hasn't dropped off the face of the Earth. He's still here; cashing in those iTunes cheques. In the next year, he'll drop another stupid/inane/brilliant song. It'll be hot. He's one of rap's stepfathers - hate him, but you will respect.

Where there's a will, there is a Way, but it will be done Deandre's Way.

DAS RACIST BROKE UP :(

Kool Ad on the left. Dap center. Heems on the right.

Fam i am so sad right now. I've been watching old interviews and just feeling like shit overall. They are were one of my favourite rap acts ever. From their on camera bro chemistry to their underrated rapping abilities, they were a joke rap (not joke rap) force to be reckoned with.

From what I have pieced together through their own reserved explanations online, the band broke up mainly because they had too many creative differences and they weren't having fun anymore...

I can't say I didn't see it coming. I kinda felt something was up when Heems and Kool AD were dropping solo tapes and there was no word on a follow up to Relax. Their stylistic differences became more apparent after these solo projects with Heems showing some clear improvements in the technical department and a strong desire for more mainstream appeal, while Kool AD went far far-left and didn't seem to give much of a fuck about rapping. Don't get me wrong. His music is still great and his rapping arguably better than Heems, but Victor has always been the weirder of the two. It just seems like his artistic vision or whatever was straying farther and farther from his Das Racist self.

These two are still gonna be making music in various capacities so I'm not too sad but dam...Das Racist meant a lot to me. Race played a huge role, with them being the most visible brown-skinned rappers since Jay-Z did that one song with Punjabi MC. But aside from them being visually identifiable to me, their music was also concerned with race issues in America. Usually the experience of being brown in a black industry living in a white man's world, but they touched on a lot of things.

Their brand of rapid-fire hyper-referential rap has led me to some of my favourite authors and thinkers and musicians. Each song was a hip hop history lesson as you listened and picked out lyrics refurbished from 80s and 90s rappers. The beats and hooks were infinitely catchy. You could tell they were direct descendants of M.I.A's social commentary over dancey beats. And they were hilarious. A lot of brainpower was spent trying to figure out whether they were serious or joking in their raps, but Das Racist has always been about smashing that binary. Who says you can't say something serious while being funny? Their humour extended into their videos and their interviews (this is probably up there on the list of greatest typed out interviews of all time) and it hurts to think I'll never get to read stuff like that again. I never got to see them live either..

I'll always have their music doe. I'll get back to my essays now. I just had to express my love for DR properly. I'll miss them.



P.S. This does open the door for new brown rappers to enter the stage (Tamillionaire bout to jump on that). I'm excited to see the influence they'll have on future generations of rappers.

P.P.S. I hope Dap still drops his mixtape..